The Build Up To What's Really On My Mind

I suppose this post will be more of a journal entry, full of ramblings, than something insightful. I have been struggling for a month now within myself. I have been feeling distant from everyone, including God. What bothers me is, I know people love me. I know that I have people that would be there for me if I opened up. I choose to pull away because I don't like looking weak. I don't like coming off as emotional when in fact, I am quite emotional. I saw or heard a quote somewhere about feelings in relation to God (unfortunately I was too busy thinking about my feelings to remember the quote). The point is, life isn't all about feelings. Learning to be broken before God is hard, but who better is there to be broken before? Who can help you up? Yesterday I read on the refrigerator at my Dad's house "When you are most dependent He is dependable." That is true of God, and I am here to say I am dependent and I am dependent on Him.


I know I'm not the only one facing this, even within our Youth Group and Church. All I can say is, I have no clue what I am doing from here, except I'm putting it in God's hands. I worry constantly about the choices I have made and where I will be even in this next year. I look back at the past two years of my life and how some of the hardest moments of my life have been crammed in that little bit of time. Where am I now? I'm strong. I do things for God's kingdom. I love people. I am a full time student at a Christian University, I work, I'm a single parent, and I'm involved with the Church. God is strong in my weakness and although I feel like I am accomlishing little and I am falling short, I know God will be here for me always, just as he has been in the past.