19

Walking out of work a few nights ago, an older man I work with asked my age. I told him to guess and his response was “23”. I smiled and told him “19”. With my answer he started laughing and asked me how I old I really was. He went on to say “I was just thinking about your kid.”

I was 17 when I had Addie. I spent my first half of my senior year pregnant and the other half bringing a baby to school with me. You know, I never thought it would happen to me and I was overwhelmed thinking of what people would think of me. I knew people would be shocked that it was me. ME. I know I didn’t come off as “that girl” the one that gets pregnant in high school. I beat up on that girl a lot. I was disappointed in myself more than anyone else was in me, I’m sure.

What happens when you are so young, bringing life in to the world? Well, for me I found life. Through the hardship of being in that situation, and the spiraling events that followed, I found my confidence, my purpose, my drive, and my faith, actual faith, in God.

Prior to Addie I tip toed around church, occasionally going, never enjoying, and wishing for the minutes to go by quicker so I could escape. I have learned through these 2+ years of being a parent, then a single parent, the importance of God in my life and the importance of me in other’s lives, specifically Addie’s. I am overwhelmed by the love I feel for Him and the love I feel her. I look back and think, “Why was I so scared of them both?” Being a parent is a big life change at any age. I know now, through experience, that the change is not bad. I have not lost anything by being a parent that is not replaced with an even greater satisfaction.

I thank you God that you did not punish me for my sin but turned even it into a blessing for me. I know this process will be long and hard and that at times my heart ache will seem like more than I can handle, but God, you have never once made me do this on my own.

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.