God, I Hate Divorce

I am sitting in my car in the parking lot of a fast food reataurant. I have been here before. Something sweet. Ice cream.

Not this time.

Now this is the pick up spot for my daughter. I feel sick. I do not want to feel the way I do. How often do I tell myself and others that I am okay? I do not feel that way now.

My heart sinks when I see him. He looks as sad as I feel. At this point all I can do is smile. It is Sunday evening and I have not seen my Addie since Friday morning.

He says he will work with me, that we can get ice cream together when he drops her off. No, not today of course. She has a cough.

God, we both went to our seperate cars. I am sure he cried too. I am angry. How long did I, or we, if any of it was real, try to make it work? Now he asks me for ice cream.

I remember asking You to let me know if I should hold on or let him go.

I would like to think I know I am doing it right.

God is this a feeling of hope or just torment? Should the two ever be confused? I am lost.

I know You have a plan.
I'd like to know it.
I feel like I am in the midst of a divorce and I have never been married.